I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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