i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
