you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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