I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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