Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
