It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
