just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
