She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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