so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
