i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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