so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
