Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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