It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As shirtless as possible
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
