if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
