I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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