I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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