I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
