I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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