To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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