Sponge bath it is.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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