I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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