Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
