i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
