ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
