You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
