I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
