New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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