Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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