Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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