my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
