You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
