why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize