Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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