Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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