Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
