Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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