Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
