I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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