u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
