dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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