How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
