He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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