I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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