the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
