i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
