I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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