Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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