And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
