u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
