Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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