Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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