Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
