dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
