All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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