I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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