Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
