So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
