He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
