How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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