Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize