you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
