For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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