He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
