Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize