he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
