boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
