new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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