i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
