wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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