also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
