Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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