Your tits are I can't wait for
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
