It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Please, let me fuck your mom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
