I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize