You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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