Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
