here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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