A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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