4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize