I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize