FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
