Just cropdusted the office
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
