I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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