This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
