Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
