Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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