There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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