how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've blown a few things in my day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize