i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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