also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
