Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
