what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
