At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize