maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my being single is dangerous.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
