I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
