you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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