I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
barbara walters just said penis...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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