Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
