Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
