the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
