we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
