dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize