Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
