I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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