if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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