Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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