i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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