Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
