i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
