i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
