He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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