Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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