everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize