May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
